Yesterday, or today, depending on whom you ask, was the first anniversary of my mother's death. It has been a tough year, with two significant losses coming so close together. I think I underestimated the impact of those two deaths, even though I am supposed to know so much about grief. The holes people leave in our hearts are as deep as the love we shared, and, yes, I know how corny that sounds. Truth sometimes sounds corny, I guess.
I still feel angry that I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom. I expected to at least be able to see and touch her body, but the family had her body cremated before I got out west. I have been surprised to find how deeply this has affected me. I am working on designing a goodbye ritual. Better late than never.
I was at my brother's side when he died on March 24th last year. My dad died three years ago in February. As we approach the anniversary of Dave's death, I have an increasing sense of anxiety. I am from Ontario and keep the image of our small cabin in my mind - I'll return there again this summer where I have fond memories of these two men I loved so much.
ReplyDeleteI would be interested in reading more of your work. I have lost 11 people in my life (3 were miscarriages, one was a twin who died at 5 months). They include my brotherinlaw 1979, father 1979, sister 1982, mother 1986, fatherinlaw 1996, sister in law 2009, son 2010, motherinlaw 2012. I live only in grief.
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